Update

Lots has happened this past week. But the most important of all, I decided to decel in Anatomy & Biochem. I know it was the best decision considering the circumstances (my current grades), but it's also a very "kick-in-the-crotch" feeling. The feeling you when you have to tell someone, yeah...I'm going to decel, and when you meet your lab members, and they inquire about why you weren't in lab. Pretty much sucks. But, the part that sucks even more, is your own feeling of failure. And no matter what anyone tells you, no matter how many success stories you hear about, this feeling will not go away until next term, you able to prove you can do it (Rocking the midterms).

In a medical school in the US, students repeat a year all the time; it doesn't literally happen all the time, but it's not uncommon. And those students will still be competitive enough to match, because they're at a US medical school. Being a Caribbean med student, it could basically go either way. However, doing amazing on the Step 1 exam is far more important.

I started to dwell on this whole process this past week. Not doing well the first term isn't exactly the confidence booster one would hope, and you really start doubting your ability. In addition, my really awesome, cool sleep schedule (sleep by 11:30/wake up by 6:30) was gone! And it wasn't the fact that I was sleepy/tired, I just couldn't get out of bed. I felt so unmotivated; no reason to get up anymore.

But after my somewhat unproductive week/end, I've decided:

I can keep questioning why this happened or didn't happen, but I don't know and I will never know - but I am going to choose to work very hard and believe and everything happens for a positive reason.